by Frater Avakado
Symmonyng uv ye olde ancyenth elementhal uv thee seethyng nukelear kaos
Well kiddies, I always remember seeing listings for elementals (undine, gnome, salamander and sylph) and I've always thought they were too safe for my liking. Sure they are the traditional elements, but what about the "new" elements that we have discovered like nuclear force, electric and electromagnetic force, gravity and such. Well I've decided to write down these rituals as they come to me that will summon forth elementals of these "new" forces.
To evoke the power of a nuclear elemental and have it manifest for 5 minutes.
• A piece of lead
• A sigil you create
• Human flesh
• High tension power lines
• An Ipecac
• Several razors
• Something flammable
Take with you what you can find or obtain. Having the U238 would be helpful but it should be unnecessary. Find an area in relative isolation where there is a whole row of high tension power lines that preferably eminate from a nuclear plant. If this cannot be accomplished, cover yourself with an electric blanket.
Take the piece of lead and place upon it a sigil of your own creation, dedicating one side to Azathoth, the other side to Homer Simpson.
Several days before the ritual, begin to avoid drinking water as much as possible, comb your hair daily and harshly! pulling out strands by the dozen. Brush your teeth until the gums are raw and bleeding. On the night of the ritual, take care not to clean the blood off your teeth and bring the hair you take from your brush with you as well. As much as possible, try to physically emulate the effects of radiation poisoning short of actually getting it.
On the night of the ritual, go to the site you chose/found for it after consuming an ipecac (something vile that will make you throw up violently, grass mixed into mustard works, also toothpaste in peppermint ice cream, fruitloops and pork mixed into strawberry Quik, raw eggs combined with chocolate and rocks etc...) holding back the biliousness that is filling your stomach. If you can't, then take the ipecac at the ritual making sure that you will vomit at the ritual.
Start a good sized fire underneath the high tension power lines, in the steel tubing structure, let it grow in strength of a good campfire. Walk away from the fire, letting your mind be filled with the fire and only the fire. Take the razors and stick them into your flesh, letting them jut there as you bleed on yourself. Consume the ipecac now if you haven't already. Begin to chant anything. Close your eyes and begin visualization.
Visualize in the fire that fills your mind, a seething white heat that pulsates.
Visualize it filling your being. Feel the biliousness in your stomach.
Feel the biliousness become a cancer, it's tumor forcing it's way up your oesophagus
Tilt your head back towards the wires high over you, concentrating, feeling the electromagnetic radiation tear the iron out of your blood through the razors. Feel the radiation making the tumor grow. Prepare to perform the technicolor yawn.
At the moment when you can no longer hold back the vomit, when you start hocking up chunks even tho you're trying to choke it back, run to the fire and let it all out. Feel the tumor being thrown from you. Wipe the blood from your body and throw it into the fire. Throw the hair into the fire if you have it.
Visualize the tumor being enveloped by the fire, the fire shifting to a bright blue flame not unlike that of a butane torch.
The blue flame rises, glowing. It becomes human shaped.
Shout at it, never flinching, until it cowers before you.
Give it your instructions to carry out your will. It will perform them when suitably subdued.
Take the piece of lead with Azathoth/Homer Simpson. Call the elemental. When the elemental arrives, take the piece of lead and shove it in your tight fist and punch the elemental deep in where it's heart should be. Visualize the lead blocking the elemental's power center, absorbing the power. Remove thine fist. The elemental should flicker out, the piece of lead falling to the floor.
the VIBRATING apostle